Fuckin' Friday!!!

OK, so I had something I was going to say and then I totally forgot because I had work to do and then they announced cake for our monthly birthday celebration where no one is congratulated on having a birthday and birthdays are never mentioned and I got into a discussion about Danica Patrick and then I was flying high on sugar because I ate 2 pieces of cake, one actual cake and the other cheesecake, and now I'm just BUZZZZZZING. So in short, I forgot what I was going to say.

100 pounds of speeding vagina

Danica Patrick - she's not really all that stunningly hot, but she's the hottest female driver out there and she might win, so she gets a lot of attention. And she's thrown punches at a lot of European drivers from time-to-time which is just so very American, even though the Euro drivers throw punches and kicks at each other all the time. Anyway, Danica is the only pair of boobs on the track that has a good shot at winning, so of course she's getting attention. Boobs = attention. It's the American way.

Being shot is a disability, too

Oscar Pistorius - according to the vagina monologues at CNN, their audience is already splitting into the Pistorius Camp and the Steenkamp ... er ... Kamp. This is typical. We have very little factual information but that's OK. We don't need any stinkin' facts. We will just choose up sides based on our feelings and personal sexual hostilities and decide right here and now. Why bother with a trial? We'll just vote on it, like some fucking reality show. Personally, I want to know as many facts as possible. Did he just go psycho? Did she? Was he hallucinating? What really happened?

Joe "pee yourself" Biden

Joe Biden - seriously, Vice President Joe Biden, the primary sponsor of the original Violence Against Women Act (found to be unconstitutional because it violated the Equal Protection clause), has been prancing about the country telling women that they don't NEED guns to defend themselves against rapists. Hey, remember when a Republican said "legitimate rape" and was instantly crucified by the Marxist Feminist Media? Well, Jumpin' Joe Biden says that women facing a rapist should pee on themselves, vomit, or tell him they are menstruating, but absolutely should never, ever, ever use a gun for any reason. This is his justification for trying to disarm women who think they have some sort of right to protect themselves from a rapist. And the Vagina Media is TOTALLY WITH HIM on this shit.

Joe "shotgun" Biden

Joe Biden - after telling women being raped to pee on themselves and not use a gun, Joe "legitimate rape" Biden said that for everyone else in need of some means of self-defense against violence, "buy a shotgun" and never, ever, ever buy any sort of rifle or handgun because those are BAD. The 2nd Amendment is to guarantee The People the power to fight against a tyrant who uses the police and military to oppress and enslave them. But Joe "Shotgun" Biden says we don't NEED any stinkin' 2nd Amendment. We just need shotguns. Problem solved!

Want. Can't reach. Don't speak Swedish.

Red Riding Hood - My Red Riding Hood story is changing little by little as I rewrite it for an attempt at actual publication. It is heading off, like it was written the first time, in its own direction seemingly without my control. In the meantime, I talked to an editor friend, who is connected to a publishing house, who is willing to look it over for an edit. But I have to pay, of course, because she is a big deal and herself published many times over, plus awards for being damn good, and her time is valuable. I like her because even though we are politically as opposite as we can be, we have the same twisted sense of humor. That's why I asked her in the first place. Well, that and she edits. So, I have been looking high and low for a model to be Red Riding Hood on the cover, but Memphis simply doesn't have this kind of girl and I can only find the right look in places like Norway, Sweden and parts of Canada (via the internet) and the girl I want to be my cover model doesn't speak English so I don't know how to contact her. Argh!

Someone dropped an ice cube on the road n' I was all like "erhmagawd!"

Memphis Drivers - seriously, it starts to sleet, with little tiny ice cubes bouncing off the hoods of our cars, and half the drivers in Memphis instantly shit themselves and lock up their brakes. After that, they drive 5 mph despite the fact that THERE IS NO ICE ON THE ROAD and won't speed up or, Heaven forbid, GET OUT OF THE PASSING LANE no matter what. So I was thinking about what Joe Biden said regarding shotguns and thinking maybe I could just start shooting at morons going slow in the passing lane and then, if anyone asks, say that Joe "Skeeter" Biden said I could.

Keepin' it real!

Las Vegas Shooting - for days and days the news has been talking about a mysterious shooting in Las Vegas that sent a Maserati crashing into a taxi, which burst into flames and killed people in both cars. Someone in a black Range Rover with custom rims and tinted windows (big clue here) fired the fatal shots after some sort of "altercation" at a hotel. That was all the news media would tell us because, apparently, they didn't feel that we had any need to know more than that. I will be honest with you here, when I first heard this news story I thought to myself that it sounded like a couple of black Memphis thugs to me. But the news media wouldn't give us any information as to who was shot, or who shot them, and no way would they give us any physical descriptions of anyone. And then, as of today, CNN is running clips from the Maserati driver's RAP VIDEOS in which he is all gangsta and dreadlocked and actin' skreet and suddenly, after a full week, we learn that the shooters and target in the Maserati were all black gangstas. Even more than that, the driver of the Maserati is from the infamous crime city of Oakland, California. And despite our best efforts to not be racist, most of America said "yeah, that's what I thought."

So you accidentally stabbed him 27 times?

Jodi Arias - a Phoenix, Arizona woman who shot her boyfriend in the face and then stabbed him 27 times while he was taking a shower, and then slit his throat for good measure, is claiming ... wait for it .... wait for it ... to be the REAL VICTIM! No, I shit you not. I'm not making this up! She seriously is claiming that she was acting in self-defense because he abused her, although just not at the moment she was shooting and stabbing him. And also she "can't remember" deciding to shoot him because the gun "just went off" all by itself, as Democrats all seem to think guns do. And she has "no memory" of stabbing him. All of this fitting perfectly into a claim that you can't prove criminal intent if the gun "just went off" and she doesn't remember deciding to stab him. And all of her testimony seems to contradict things she said earlier, just like every single other woman who did similar crimes and used this same defense, including Lorena Bobbitt, and lurking there in the courtroom, of course, are agents from the Department of Justice Office of Violence Against Women, who are looking for any way possible to help her get off at taxpayer expense. One of the biggest problems she faces is the fact that she was a total fucking psycho stalker with her ex-boyfriends in the past, and that has come up. But oh well, I'm guaranteeing you she's not going to do any real time and may not even do a single day in jail. Because that's how we roll here in the US of Vajayjay.

Pro-Obama, pro-gun-control, terrorist

Officer Christopher Dorner - when the Christopher Dorner "manifesto" came out, all I could find here in the American Media were highly edited versions of it, with huge chunks cut out. Thanks to Ute in Australia I was able to read the entire unedited rant. I even commented on how odd it was that our Marxist Media wouldn't publish the entire rant. Yesterday someone pointed out that the Big State Media cut out every single pro-Obama part of it, along with everything else he said that showed him to be a pro-gun control, left-of-center Democrat. In the recent past, such as when Representative Giffords was shot, the Marxist Media not only covered up the left-leaning sentiments of the shooter, but actually claimed he was a right-wing "nut job" instead. Anyone who knows anything about American history knows that over 90 percent of our acts of terrorism have been committed by people and groups self-identified as left-wing. But you'd never know that if you listen to our News Media or read our public schools' history books.  They leave that out. Even the Ft Hood Muslim terrorist has been covered over as a "workplace violence" incident which our own Prezident refuses to acknowledge as a jihadist terrorist.

America's future - not so far away